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All I need to know... by ~IXtearsofbloodXI:iconIXtearsofbloodXI:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Erotic > Open




Adrenaline Pulsating
I can feel you next to me
Your lips upon mine totally excruciating.

So addictive you’re my ecstasy
All I taste is your bittersweet kisses
Temptation takes over me
Clothes being shed I'm lost in the sea of love.

We know our intentions
Perception and perplex ion as
Our senses fail.

I can feel you inside of me
And even though you say forever
Promise me you'll never leave
Your body upon mine
Warm and sweet
Perfectly inviting to mine
Like a puzzle piece with a
Perfect fit.

Your hands explore my body
And your kisses explode like fire
Lost in a sea of sheets;
Lost with you
I ache for more
Completely invigorating
Not wanting it to end
So I can stay
Here----lost----with you

Silence surrounds us
Whispering sweet nothings
Until our body’s surrender
Undiscovered desires
The world---Tainted and Fading
Nothing matters except me and you
Together forever but together as one.

I can feel your heartbeat
And sighs begin to seep
You whisper "I Love You"
And that’s all I need to know
©2005-2009 ~IXtearsofbloodXI
:iconixtearsofbloodxi:

Author's Comments

Its about me and my boyfriend...take it as you wish

Comments


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:iconryuken-kai:
~Ryuken-Kai Oct 14, 2005, 8:42:50 AM
ok, you dont need to use big words in poems, like 'perception and perplexion', and "Until our body’s surrender
Undiscovered desires" where simpler ones would do. also, it seems rife with cliches...like "All I taste is your bittersweet kisses"...and "your kisses explode like fire"....argh.You also seem to use the same metaphor twice...when i wouldnt have put it in at all, i.e. "lost in a sea of love/sheets". By the way, the grammar isn't too hot either...it would be 'bodies' not 'body's'.

--
If a shortcut wasn't hard, it would just be 'the way'.
:iconixtearsofbloodxi:
~IXtearsofbloodXI Oct 14, 2005, 10:15:35 AM
okay well lets see here first lets remember this is my poem and if you cant understand and your to narrow minded to figure out the so called "big" words then im sorry and thats your problem not mine and how is the sentence "until our bodys surrender undiscovered desires" big words?? you really should think outside of the box and i didnt use "cliches" i used my sentences and words by how i feel and its totally true because when i kiss its like addicting poison and explode like fire by keeping me wanting more. and the lost in the sea of love lost in the sea of sheets was done deliberately i knew i had used it but i liked the way it sounded and told exactly what i meant and my grammar wasnt supposed to be perfect but just for you here..."until our BODIES surrender..." so there ya go have a nice day!!!

--
~LoVe Iz SuIcIdE~
:iconryuken-kai:
~Ryuken-Kai Oct 14, 2005, 1:26:45 PM
you asked for advanced crit, i gave it to ya ;)

--
If a shortcut wasn't hard, it would just be 'the way'.
:iconixtearsofbloodxi:
~IXtearsofbloodXI Oct 17, 2005, 8:03:33 AM
yes and i never said it was bad its just i wrote that way on purpose the layout was totally planned and im sorry if i seemed to blow up on you in the last comment i was just already upset and i just kinda lost it my apoligies and i'll take your comments into consideration thanx!!!

--
~LoVe Iz SuIcIdE~
:iconryuken-kai:
~Ryuken-Kai Oct 17, 2005, 10:00:07 AM
thats ok, no worries :p take care xxx

--
If a shortcut wasn't hard, it would just be 'the way'.
:iconixtearsofbloodxi:
~IXtearsofbloodXI Oct 18, 2005, 5:17:17 AM
kkz you to!!!

--
~LoVe Iz SuIcIdE~
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