Lets start with confessions..

1) I cut

thats probably the only actually confession i have though i wont tell anyone except here and i havent written in forever but i feel like i need to write not sure why i just have some things i wanna get out in the open well i just wanna say im so tired of everything and its like all me and david do is fight heres a question for everyone who reads this..

When two people love each other and i mean really love each other when is enough, enough?

there is an actual answer to that but i wont tell you just see what you come up with!!

anyways i dont really have any friends the only people i talk to is either Amber or Allie and thats normally just in class i'll pick up the phone to call em and i never do cuz i dont know what to say i have david but its like hes not there because hes always obsessing about himself so i just smile and pretend im fine besides its not as bad as everyone says so ill just keep tellin myself that i wrote a poem last night i think i'll submit it though im not sure if anyone will actually understand it well actually understand the feelings and the emotions the way i did it means alot to me for some reason and i havent written in a while so it kinda felt good i wanna start back writting but its like i never have time but the deal is i have lots of time im just so bogged down i donno i feel like im goin crazy especially right now maybe its because i took 2 midol and i hate midol cuz it makes me feel extremely weird but like i took it on an empty stomach with coke and chocolate lots of caffeine and your not supposed to take it with caffeine but oh well so i feel very weird i didnt get the part of Ami in the play i was upset about it but now im just like w/e my mom doesnt like david anymore which makes it so much harder on us on me he pissed her off the other day i donno i dont wanna go into it i turn 16 January 5th oh YAY how bout not you know what i dont understand i dont get why everyone makes big deals out of birthdays i mean nothing ever changes when your 3 and you turn 4 you dont get any smarter or prettier or uglier it slowly changes all that changes is your age and that doesnt really even matter because it doesnt make you anymore mature or immature its just another stupid day thats what i think anyways i mean when someone turns 18 wow they can legally buy cigarettes but its not like they werent already smoking when someone turns 16 they can legally drive but its not like they havent been driving when someone turns 21 they can legally drink but its not like they havent been drinking its all retarded to me or maybe im just weird i donno but w/e and another thing my mom promised me that at the end of the first semester around december/january she would get the phone and the internet hooked back up and allow me to get my license if i stayed out of trouble and kept my grades up well guess what ive passed all my classes and havent gotten in any trouble but now shes sayin she never said that and she did she even knows she did i hate her so freakin much she always pulls that b/s at the last minute but if i had of been failin or gettin in trouble she woulda been using it against me to throw it in my face but w/e its the same ol b/s everyday so i guess it doesnt really matter now does it i feel a lil better not phisically but since i actually got to write it all out christmas is comin up oh yay just another family disaster waiting to happen i hate being with my family all they do is drive me crazy i dont want anything to do with em i just want em to leave me the fuck alone as bad or mean as that may sound its true and i hate school i hate the teachers well some of em actually just a couple but w/e well newayz im about to go so i'll probably write more later...


Chelle